I wanted to share my first published article :)
It’s pretty honest, raw and personal. It was hard to write it because it is my biggest fears and insecurities being totally exposed but I believe that, provided that it is poured out before God, honesty is always a good thing, even when our feelings are not right. I think it might bless others who struggle with the same stuff I do.
You can read it where it was originally posted here: http://www.devotionaldiva.com/2012/06/friends-with-boys/
[Guest post] – Sometimes I wish love wouldn’t have such a huge hold in our lives as women. Love is an important part of our lives whether we want it or not. I wish it was the topic of politics, or gardening.
But I know God created us this way, and if He did, He must have meant it for good. I’ll try to get to the point of my post.
Even though I know any advice on this earth will provide me with the peace that only my faith in Christ will bring, I could use some insights from others who have gone through some of the things I’ve been through and seen His promises become true. It’s not that God has not shown me His faithfulness in many ways.
But in this particular area of my life, I’m still waiting to see what He’s been up to. Almost a year ago, the man I thought I was going to marry broke up with me. I’ve been through some rough tests in my life, I hadn’t felt a pain like the one I experienced this last year. The peculiarities of my story are not relevant now; I can only praise God because He used this situation to completely–and forever–change me.
I was a mediocre Christian. I thought the love God demanded from me could be shared, I thought His rules could be flexible, I thought His grace wasn’t enough.
Recently, after being a Christian for almost 10 years, I had a real encounter with the God who comforts you when nothing or no one else can. Its been a painful, beautiful, long way. I know I wanna live for Him. And I know I wanna do things HIS way, not mine.
I finally feel I’m ready to move on. To accept and trust what God has directly told me He has planned for my life, which included not being with this guy. It’s been hard because I’ve had to seen him at church activities every week since the breakup, and see how he moved on so fast. And I believe this has somehow made me think I will never fall in love again.
I know it’s silly. I know, that’s not how faith works. Inside I still feel like that 13 year old who never got picked as a dancing partner. God has been restoring a lot of things in me, and I know His works are greater than what I see in this earthly perspective. But my lack of faith in the fact that He will provide a (the right) husband for me makes me feel so confused. Because I think about it. But I don’t feel it’s gonna happen.
C’mon, I’m 26. I’ve seen how life is and how it changes. C’mon, I’m a lawyer, I have a master’s degree!
I guess I expected something amazing to happen in my love life after all the pain I’ve been through. I want to feel like I have faith so I can keep living and enjoying what God decides to put on my plate now.
I know my feelings are not what they should be. I know they are not based on Truth or Who God is. But here they are: I’m afraid to end up alone. I’m afraid God takes way to much time in bringing someone for me. I’m afraid that the man God chooses for me will be ‘what I needed and not what I wanted’.
I’m afraid being ‘too educated, too intellectual and too independent’ might weigh on a man choosing me. I know God is probably laughing at me right now, because He deeply loves me and because His plans and thoughts are higher than mine. I know the purpose of my life is not just getting married to someone.
I know there’s so much more. I’m the kind of girl who knows how to be on her own–very, very well. And I have learned Christ is with me, also. I want to share everything I have, and dream, and love, with the man I believe exists for me. I want to share my life with the person I have prayed for. But I just don’t see how is that gonna happen.
Clara Bastidas lives in a country where 80% of the population are non-practising Catholics. She fears the fact it’s so hard to find a guy who genuinely loves Jesus. She works for a humanitarian agency, and her my dream is to keep helping the needy across the world. And she doesn’t want to keep doing that without a partner.